Dearest Aunt Flo,
We have had a rocky relationship over the years. You have shown up unannounced when I was ill prepared and you made quite the fool out me. Other times you were late arriving and you lead me to believe you took a much wanted 9 month sabbatical only to show up late. One day late I can handle but those times you showed up over a month late... What were you trying to do to me? I am getting the sense I am not your favorite niece as you have been much kinder to some of your other nieces I know. So, I wanted to clear the air with you maybe in return you could me nicer to me.
As of right now, I would really appreciate if you took a nice long vacation. As a peace offering, I have included a 9 month all inclusive, all expenses paid vacation to be redeemed hopefully soon. It would be nice if you could leave this month then return in early April. It would be much appreciated! Since, I know you are rather stubborn and there is chance you will take your sweet time with redeeming this or you may even rip it up. I hope you accept this present and cash it in ASAP. Please don't take offense and come with vengeance this month. I realize you will be departing for good in about 10-15 years which is why I want to accept this gift sooner rather than later. Please consider this as I know I am your least favorite niece. Thank you in advance!
One of your least favorite nieces