Friday, June 28, 2013

Baselines. Now on business!

Today I went for my first baseline at the RE office. It went well! Ultrasound showed many follicles on each ovary but they are not the "typical" Polycystic Ovary appearance per RE office. They said "typical PCO" are enlarged and round bulging.  Mine were "normal sized" and oval. But I still have several follicles. My blood work was all normal as well. The only number I really requested was my thyroid. I am so happy that it has been stable for a year now.   I typically remember TSH even though they test Free T4 and Free T3. 100mcg started in 7/12 (TSH was 4.5 thanks to the iodine in prenatals). My TSH on 9/12 was .0.9, 1/13 was 1.3, 4/13 was 0.7, and 6/13 was 1.33 (iodine free prenatals). I will start my Clomid again at 100mg. Monitored again on 7/5/13 and once it shows a mature follicle and not over stimulated I will use Ovidrel as my HCG trigger then go for my IUI.

So Sunday I start the Clomid with strict instructions for the RE. Take between 8-10PM, then take it same time every day after. Much different than the ObGyn instructions here take this call me when pregnant. My husband asked why I threw a bottle of Tylenol the last time I was on it. LOL I don't remember maybe it was the drug induced Intermittent Explosive Disorder with psychotic rage? Oh Clomid I think you could turn a sweet Pollyanna type into a psychotic Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction type! My husband said jokingly if there are Gamma rays in that stuff? Of all the superhero shows I grew up on, my favorite was the Incredible Hulk. Hmmm....

I don't find it promising that I will be any calmer on twice the dosage as the last time. I just hope we get our baby.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

It begins!

As I previously posted I was awaiting Aunt Flo so I could go for baselines, she arrived today. I go first thing Friday morning for baselines and I should know how everything is by that evening or afternoon. If all goes well, I will start my Clomid 100mg on CD5. Not looking forward to Clomid. My cycles are painful and heavy on them. Not on clomid I am fine (which is why I am still trying to wrap my head around the whole endometriosis possibility). I still debate as to what would have been worse, an STD that caused scarring but is now gone or endometriosis. I always go back to the later. When they like the size of my follicles I will trigger with Ovidrel. Then IUI! I wish my husband could freeze his boys for when it is go time. Is it bad of me that I feel he will buckle under the pressure? On IUI day, I have to bring his sample with me. I hope everything lines up!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Aunt Flo is a tricky bitch!

Now, I sit and wait for my baselines. I go in for blood work and ultrasound on or around CD 3. I am hoping if there is any changes it is for the better. After being told that I might have endometriosis, I hope all is well with the lady parts. I know you can't really tell on an ultrasound, I just hope there is nothing on my ovaries.

I found out that my insurance approved the baselines so now just waiting for Aunt Flo and when it comes to times like these, she is a tricky little bitch. Always showing at the least convenient times and psyching you out to believe pregnancy is a possibility. I am too familiar with her tricks by now! After all this time... I know better than to take a test to only have my heart sink to the floor. I have stock piled feminine products in every major place I spend most of my time (Home, Office, Car, etc.). But there is one thing... My work schedule. As I examine all the possibilities of date of arrival, I have to consider where I will be (at work) on or around CD 3. The majority of my schedule depends on others. I have no say of dates and times for the majority of my meetings I attend each month. Sometimes, 8:30A or 5:30P and everything in between. So, it now all boils down to Aunt Flo and her estimated time of arrival is anywhere from tomorrow through Sunday. I am sure she will be her usual bitchy self and not show anywhere between those dates just to fuck up my plans. As for my all day mandatory meeting in July, I am sure she will make sure my job is on the line with her arrival date. But oh wait, what if you are pregnant? No! I couldn't be so lucky and besides my husband and I only BD'ed once this month and it was not even close to possible ovulation. So, I hope she is considerate of my time this month since she insists on showing her face every month.     

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Finding the humor

Yesterday was my first RE appointment. Well, not exactly the first. I was with them before back in 2011, when I had PPO. So, they had all my information from the last time as well as what my ObGyn did. They said I may have a new diagnosis... Endometriosis. My HSG last time showed a slower than normal draining of the contrast dye. I don't have stereotype symptoms. On CD I have cramping that needs some OTC pain medications. I don't have painful BM's, urination, or intercourse. I don't bleed in between periods (at all). Also, never had an STD I have been checked throughout my 20's and recently for my referral.

So, I have known I have anovulation due to my PCOS and Hypo. But my husband Semen Analysis showed 7% morphology and I don't think it is his motility but is the test that determines how straight the boys are swimming. Well, I guess it is on a scale of 0-4, his is a 2. I said in the office jokingly, my ovaries are stubborn and my husbands swimmers are no Michael Phelps! His boys need to swim to Canada but are stopping at Detroit and my eggs are hiding. The doctor told us it is good to have a sense of humor with these things. She said when you can laugh at this you can have a better outcomes. After 3 years of crying, I am now finding the humor!   

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Positive feedback trumps the negative

While I have had negative feedback regarding my IF post on Facebook a few times... Something positive came out of it! A girl who reads my posts about PCOS and Hypothyroidism told me that she read my post which prompted her to get tested. She found out that she does have PCOS and is going for blood work for it. She also asked about getting a thyroid level too since in many posts the 2 go together frequently. So, I may annoy some but at least I helped one!

This girl also said she now completely understands what I mean when people can be really insensitive about this stuff. She said on the day she found out she has PCOS and told her friends. People where saying hurtful things to her. She said one girl told her that she could have her fertility. Another girl told her kids are overrated. I let her know that some women with PCOS can conceive without any problems while others need help. PCOS doesn't mean you will never have kids. She told me she cried with the diagnosis and how horrible people can be! 

Still waiting

The referral is going to be the death of me. I finally get everything that is needed for this referral to only get denied. After multiple phone calls to various people. I figured it out. It was not completed... This referral. There were questions on the back of it that were not answered. I call the Dr who is writing the referral explaining what the insurance company told me. The girl asked how do I know. I got a little mad since it has been 2 months and no referral yet. I told her I called the insurance company and they finally told me. She said she needed to take a look at it. She said that yes there were questions if she could ask me. Yeah! Questions like have I had my tubes tied? Am I younger than 36? (This one scared me because, yes barely! So will the insurance drop when I am 36+?) So for now, we are on track but I am not letting it go this easily. 

Monday, June 3, 2013

Ok so she is in labor... next order of business!

So, a coworker was pregnant and is currently in labor. Why is that the only thing everyone is talking about? We knew her due date was approaching! No work related topic just this. Well, it has been driving me nuts all day. I am happy for her don't get me wrong but the fact that this the only thing that everyone is talking about is getting on my nerves. I had several people come up to me asking if I had heard that she was in labor. If I knew what she was having. I replied, she wanted it to me surprised so she didn't know until she gave birth. Do you know if she had the baby yet or is she still in labor? Oh for the love of God! I know just as much as you do! Please just leave me alone on this topic. (I am still waiting on my referral for my RE!)

I really wish I would be unaffected by this! Other people having babies. I hate to be a bitter infertile. I also hate that everyone is so obsessed with babies and pregnant women.Why does it seem that the value of a woman depends on squeezing a human out of her vagina? Every time I have to answer... "Do you have any children?" It is like telling people no I don't I am telling them I am Lilith reincarnated! Why? I am an ass these days and with that question I tell them, "I am fucking barren do you have anymore questions?" That shuts them up!

Today, I just want to go home. I wish I had a better coping mechanism for this. I wish I knew if I was going to be a parent but for now it is in God and science's hands!