Monday, April 8, 2013

Counseling

I started to see a new counselor recently. She experienced infertility herself which is reassuring. What prompted me to seek out counseling was various problems seem to be piling up and I have no control over any of them. My mother found herself a new friend who has a significant mental illness as well. They are living together. I feel they both need a structured environment which neither one can provide for each other. I tried talking to her about it but keeps defending her decisions. This on top of 3 years of infertility makes a person feel a little burnt out.

I was crying everyday because of these two stressors. Both problems I have no control over yet it consumed every waking hour worrying about the outcome.

I made a list of things I enjoyed at the request of my counselor and my positive attributes. Things I enjoyed was easy once I got going. I had 80 things on this list. The positive attributes were a little difficult. She wants to practice positive self talk and workout a few days a week. She wants me to focus on things I enjoy doing and incorporate at least one of them daily.

I felt better this past week than I have in a while. Infertility alone can bring about many negative emotions. Sometimes, it is difficult to focus on something positive or happy when all you have ever wanted was to be a mom. When that is threatened your world can feel like it is falling apart. When is rains, it pours. I recently read  The Bell Jar (25th Edition, Anniversary) by Plath, Sylvia/ McCullough, (Google Affiliate Ad). I was starting to feel like Ester Greenwood. This is no way to live! I will keep you posted on my progress!

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