Friday, March 8, 2013

When partners collide

My husband can really aggravate me with the entire fertility/infertility mess! When I tell someone in front of him that I am infertile due to hypothyroidism and PCOS, he says you're not infertile. Ugh!! I have explained the definition of infertility to him, then when he says that in front of other people I have an infertility session with both parties. You know, not being able to get pregnant for 12 months with well timed intercourse for people under 35 and it is 6 months if you are over 35. It is going on 3 years and I am approaching 35! I feel like the sand is running out of the hour glass. I asked him why he says we are not infertile? He said that when he thinks of infertility it is hopeless but I got pregnant before I will again! 2 years ago I had a miscarriage. I was a little irritated by the response since it was 2 years I was pregnant and have not had a glimmer of a positive since. Also, the infertility comment about it being hopeless and it seemed that he will never fully understand infertility. Infertility doesn't mean it will never happen. It could be never, or it will be difficult, or it will happen in a way you don't expect ie surrogacy, donor sperm/egg, or adoption.     

He knows so many people that parented at 40+ he doesn't seem to think anything about it. I get so frustrated that he always acts like we have all this time. I figure if it is this difficult in my early 30's than it can't get much better. I get so frustrated that he can't seem to accept that we are infertile. It hurts me more when he says that we aren't infertile than if he were to say okay we are infertile what can I do (besides the obvious). He gets the easy part throughout it all. Maybe that is why he seems so carefree. I have to take my medications as prescribed, fight to get the fertility meds when there are miscommunications with doctor and pharmacy, deal with horrifically painful cycles, keep all my appointments (labs and otherwise), and explain to people why we don't have kids!

There are people in our lives that look at me like I am the broken one! And look at him like you poor bastard for marrying a such woman! Or listens when he says we are not infertile and tells ME not him that I must be doing something wrong! People tell him it will happen blah blah blah...

I bought him the book What to Expect When She's Not Expecting! I am willing to bet that he doesn't even remember the title! He never looked at it or read it! He has this habit with putting shit off until it gets to be this big cluster fuck or financially worse!  I am not letting my health be brushed off by him. 


2 comments:

  1. Hi, I just wanted to thank you for being so open and honest and putting it all out there. I too have PCOS and Hypo. It has been a long, daunting and LONELY process. It is as if you are writing the thoughts that are in my own mind! Look forward to following your journey as well as mine. Take care.

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  2. Thank you following! I am sorry you have the diagnosis too! Good luck!!

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