Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Would a sex contract be so bad?

WARNING contains Fifty Shades references! If you have not read the books, you may want to close this article. 

As I rip through the Fifty Shades series, I can't help but think how I could apply some of this to my infertility! This series has not only been a nice distraction from obsessing about infertility and treatment but my muse if you will. No, I don't want a BDSM relationship with my husband. I really liked the contract idea. I can't help but think how great it would be if my husband could have a procreation sex contract.

It never fails around ovulation,My husband seems less than thrilled to have procreation sex. I have to remind him of our schedule and we fall into this rut of mechanical sex for the sole purpose to have a baby. And it never fails my mother comes over unannounced around ovulation and sets up camp in our house. I have kicked her out on a few occasions explaining that we are going to have sex and it is a libido killer for her to be in our house at that time. My mother has a mental illness and has strained our relationship. Given her mental issues, I have to have a very firm boundary with her otherwise she takes advantage.

My contract will be simple and concise for my husband. I am sick of him feeling exacerbated by our prescribed sex schedule. We fought this weekend about it. I always have to remind him of when. I get angry that not only does he have the "easy part" but he is so aloof to this process. I agree that there is nothing sexy about infertility including the dialog. I explain that I take my Metformin, Synthyroid, and Clomid as prescribed because just maybe I can have the desired outcome without it being the most invasive method, ie IVF. I change my diet to lower carb due to PCOS. I get frequent blood draws and viewings of my vagina. I have the fear of possible long term effects of all these reproductive methods on my body on top of the fear of never becoming mother which has been the only thing I have continuously wanted since childhood. Money is an issue as well. Money is my husband's  weakness. Why not try everything in our power with this "cheaper method" when we have the chance. And he can't stick to the GOD DAMN schedule.  

So my contract would go something like this;
1. The wife and doctor will discuss the best sex schedule for the desire outcome, ie pregnancy.
2. The wife will inform husband of said days.
3. Once the days are established, the husband is now responsible for remembering and initiating sex.
4. There will be passion and foreplay.
5. If the husband cannot agree to the terms of the contract or fails to fulfill the terms, IUI or IVF will be the next plan paid by the husband.

Of course I am being funny but part of me would really like to try this out. My husband would be less than amused. I am just a desperate infertile woman trying to get some enjoyment from this mess. 

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